10 Years...

10 years ago today I was on a plane. I was flying from Kosovo to Germany, Germany to Chicago, Chicago to Denver. I was scheduled for a two week leave from the peacekeeping mission that was supposed to be only six months long but was extended for another three months since our replacements were being sent to Iraq.
In the lead up to the war, I was following the news very closely. I listened to every speech given by President Bush, every speech by Colin Powell, I even printed out the transcripts and highlighted the reasons they said we needed to invade Iraq. If everything they said was true, we needed to go there, or at least so I thought. I was hoping Saddam Hussein would negotiate and work with UN inspectors. Little did I know, none of it mattered. I hoped that we would not go to war with Iraq, but as the days passed, it seemed more and more inevitable.
On my way home for my leave, I was delayed overnight in Chicago because of a bad blizzard in Denver. I ended up getting a hotel near the airport, and walked to a near by sports bar, but no sports were on the TVs. On every TV the initial invasion into Iraq was playing. As everybody sat, enthralled with images of war, my heart sunk and there was a gut wrenching feeling as I knew I would eventually be sent to this war zone. The guy sitting next to me saw my military ID and decided to buy all my drinks and food that evening, which I was grateful for, but it was all so surreal at the time.
The two weeks home was more tense than I would prefer, as everyone I knew would constantly ask about Iraq, which I was trying not to think of. Really I had no idea what to say about Iraq since all I knew was what was told to me and my information was just as good as theirs. I would return to Kosovo for four months and then we headed back to Germany. Within a month we were told we would be headed to Iraq in February 2004.
I continued to learn as much as I could about the situation in Iraq, constantly returning to the reasons we were being told we were going to Iraq. Slowly, those reasons began to make less and less sense as I learned more. There were no WMD's, there were no links to al-Qeada or 9/11, we were not seen as liberators, we were not helping to rebuild the Iraqi infrastructure, etc. It all felt like one big lie. My time in Iraq would confirm that. At no time did I feel like I was liberating anyone there, at no time did I feel like I was saving lives. Throughout my year in Iraq I became more bitter and angry about the reasons we were sent there. I go into more depth about all this in other blogs, so I will spare you from the repetition...
I guess what I really wanted to talk about today on the 10th anniversary of the Iraq war invasion, is partially a reflection, partially trying to parse out some of what I know and have learned... Over the last 10 years, many have died, some US soldiers, and many more Iraqi's. While we are no longer in Iraq en masse, there is still no stability within Iraq, and we are still feeling the effects of the war. Those who are most effected are obviously the Iraqi's, as they still struggle to live a life free of violence. The veteran's are also trying to shake the violence of war. Many have come home from Iraq physically, but mentally they are still fighting a war. Many turn to drugs and alcohol, many turn to suicide. Meanwhile the American people turn their backs on the veterans as the VA is severally underfunded. Sexual assault and violence within and around the military has reached epidemic levels, yet it is not of concern to most Americans.
This violence is intimately linked to masculinity and militarism. We continue to perpetuate this misogynist violence throughout our culture, we continue to militarize all strata of society. The question is why? What is it about violence and masculinity that we hold so dear? Why do we continue to believe that militarism is good for us? Is this what we want for our children? Is this the future they should have?
I know I often have a utopian view point, which is often unhealthy since it sparks my rage, but why must people be so afraid to want something better? I see the gun debate fueled by fear. I see politics fueled by fear. It is the constant fear that continues to push us to an unhealthy society, which could be our undoing.
I feel like I'm  rambling at this point and no longer remember what I wanted to originally say, so I will close out. Before I do though, I want to return to the 10th anniversary of the Iraq war. This week has been very emotional for me. The war was bullshit, as most of them have been over the past 60 years. Yet we remain complicit in these acts of aggression. I urge you to demilitarize! Look at every aspect of your life, and look at how you are complicit with violence. Look at how you can change those acts that perpetuate inequity, misogyny, fear, hate, and war. Stand up and speak out! Don't be afraid, don't be complicit! Yeah, you may lose some friends, but you may gain some, but more importantly, you may help change the world! Who knows, it's worth a shot right?