Is the Army a Bad show tune?

For some reason tonight, the Army Song popped in my head, and then all of a sudden I imagined some gaudy singer like Bette Midler or someone singing it and it made me realize that the Army is just one long exhausting show tune. I mean think about it, we are expected to sing this stupid song at the end of every ceremony, which includes a bunch of dancing around (marching). Furthermore, when we march and/or run we sing songs to cadence. Yes it is meant to ensure people are running in step, but doesn't that defeat the purpose of running? Some run faster, some run slower, therefore we are only hurting those who we are trying to make stronger, and thus levels of training must be deviated. But I digress... I want you to read the words of this song...

Verse:	March along, sing our song, with the Army of the free. Count the brave, count the true, who have fought to victory. We’re the Army and proud of our name! We’re the Army and proudly proclaim:
First Chorus:	First to fight for the right, And to build the Nation’s might, And The Army Goes Rolling Along. Proud of all we have done, Fighting till the battle’s won, And the Army Goes Rolling Along.
Refrain:	Then it’s hi! hi! hey! The Army’s on its way. Count off the cadence loud and strong; For where’er we go, You will always know That The Army Goes Rolling Along.
Second Chorus:	Valley Forge, Custer’s ranks, San Juan Hill and Patton’s tanks, And the Army went rolling along. Minute men, from the start, Always fighting from the heart, And the Army keeps rolling along.
Refrain:	(same as above)
Third Chorus:	(slower, more freely) Men in rags, men who froze, Still that Army met its foes, And the Army went rolling along. Faith in God, then we’re right, And we’ll fight with all our might, As the Army keeps rolling along.
Refrain:	Then it’s hi! hi! hey! The Army’s on its way. Count off the cadence loud and strong; (two! three!) For where’er we go, You will always know That THE ARMY GOES ROLLING ALONG! (keep it rolling!) And THE ARMY GOES ROLLING ALONG!

Tell me that doesn't sound like a song from some shitty musical, as do the rest of the cadences... I find it funny that in the macho/hyper-masculine world of the military that we sing and dance... Don't get me wrong I love to sing and dance, but the Army's version of it is boring... Not to be stereotypical, but now that we have the damned draconian "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy out of the way, perhaps we can finally spruce up some of these old crappy song and dances ;-)

Why I do what I do (Or am the way I am)...

I know many of you may wonder, why I do what I do. Why I am so political. Why I am so passionate about my views. Some of you probably don’t give a shit. That’s fine, but if you wanna know why, and who I am you may want to read on. I know some of you have heard some of this before, but I will try to go deeper then I have before…

At one point in my life I was a hardcore republican. I thought that people just needed to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, and if they didn’t they were just lazy people who deserved to be poor. I believed that if you tried hard enough you could achieve anything. I helped with G.W. Bush’s first presidential campaign. To borrow from David Sirota, I was a practitioner of the “me first, screw everybody else” philosophy. I believed many racist, classist, and sexist things. Yet, saw myself as a true red-blooded American, so two of my best friends and I joined the army.  Partly for to get out of Grand Junction, to see the world, and for college money. We signed up 3 months before 9/11, and while it scared me a little to think I would probably go to war, I felt it was my duty.

Living in Germany was great, and I could tell a ton of stories, but that would stray me from my point. It was sometime towards the beginning of my first deployment, in 2002-2003, in Kosovo, that I started making my shift to who I am today. I remember being out on patrol in this little town, when all these little kids came out. We gave them some food, because they needed much more then we did. There was a foot of snow on the ground, and none of their houses had windows, or insulation. They lived in brick homes, and had to make large fires to keep warm. While I had slept in the cold on many occasions, camping and what not, I couldn’t imagine living in the conditions these children had lo live in, day in, day out. Furthermore, there was the constant fear of violence. We were basically the police there. Many times we had to respond to gunshots, or even the occasional grenade thrown into someone’s house. This is when I started questioning the privileges that I was born into. I could have just as easily been born into the violence they were, and this would pale in comparison to violence I saw in Iraq.

It was in the beginning of the Kosovo deployment that Bush Inc. started beating the war drums for Iraq. I paid very close attention because rumor had it, that’s where we were headed after we got back from Kosovo. Sure as shit, we did. But while paying attention as to why we would be headed to Iraq, I looked at all the “evidence” they were telling us and all the reasons why they said we had to go to Iraq. Once we got to Iraq, I realized it was all bullshit. I felt hurt and betrayed. The country I loved, the country I was fighting for, had lied to me. They had sent me to a war, to possibly die, for a heaping load of crap, and the people on capital hill: the lobbyists, the war profiteers, oil companies, banks on wall street, were all profiting, while we fought. It wasn’t for freedom, and anyone who says it is, is brainwashed. I truly wish we were fighting for freedom, but we weren’t. Not for the freedom of the people here in the US, and not for the freedom of Iraqi’s. I was on the streets of Iraq. I talked with the people. Yes they were glad Saddam was gone, but they lived in more fear of us and had no idea what to expect from us, because every unit was different. Some were more trigger happy, some had more brutal tactics. We oppressed, we did not free. If you look at the situation here in America, do you really feel more free? I don’t. I feel more oppressed, but more on this later…

When Fallujah kicked off, half of our battalion left to help with the fight there, but when they did, “insurgents” took Baqubah. It was one of the most hectic days of my life. Bullets flying by, explosions all over town. On many occasions before, we had gotten in firefights and caused casualties, but this was the first time, that I knew with absolute certainty, that I had taken a life. I was the only person with a shot, I saw a limp and lifeless fall to the ground in the alley we were taking fire from. The whole day seemed to move by in slow motion, and was easily the longest day of my life. When we finally returned to our base, all I could do is lie on my bunk exhausted and haunted with the actions of the day. By this time, I had already realized that the war was bullshit, which only made matters worse. I had killed a man, who was probably a father, a brother, a friend of someone else. He wasn’t trying to destroy America, he was either trying to put food on his table, and took money because he desperate so he fought us, or perhaps he was enraged because we had killed someone he loved, or maybe he just wanted us out of HIS fucking country. I will never know, but what I do know, is that the more we fight, the more they will hate us. It is not our place to try and solve their problems. I’m not saying we shouldn’t’ help them, but problems cannot be solved with a gun or a bomb.

Anyways, there were a number of other deadly interactions that occurred, and I felt like a hypocrite, every time. I wished I could just throw down my weapon and walk away, but I stayed, mostly for my brothers in arms. I still struggle with the pain, memories, regret, nightmares, of Iraq, but my story doesn’t end there…

I came home, and got involved in the peace movement and went to school to learn about the inequities I saw overseas and to understand my experience with war. This helped me heal in many ways, but there are many scars which may never heal. In March of 2007 I went on an alternative spring break trip to Washington D.C. to work with the homeless population there, it was here that I realized that many of the inequities I saw overseas were happening right here in the US. I knew there was homeless people in the US, but they were out of sight out of mind. Talking with them was very humbling, I met many vets, laborers, even a couple of lawyers… Many of them just had bad luck, and because of lack of a good healthcare system, workers rights, a basic safety net, these people were now living on the streets. They weren’t lazy, they weren’t stupid, they didn’t want a hand out. They got punched in the face, and while they were down, they were kicked repeatedly. After a while, they couldn’t get up… It was one of the most eye opening experiences I had ever had…

In March of 2009, I went on another alternative break, this time to New Orleans, to help build houses. The site was still devastating. The ways in which we have turned our backs on the people of New Orleans is disgusting, not only due to Katrina, but also the oil spill, which is still a problem that BP now refuses to clean up any further. How many lives were ruined by those two tragedies? Countless… If you think that big businesses have the right to be unregulated, here is the perfect example of why they need regulation.

It was just prior to all this that I got very involved in understanding identity politics. I spent time understanding that all the racist and sexist things I believed when I was younger was all bullshit. People of color weren’t lazy, or dangerous, or whatever other stupid shit I believed. They were people just like me, however, not just like me. They weren’t afforded the same privileges as me. They were constantly the target of racism and bigotry. I never had to wake up and wonder if someone was going to call me some kind of hurtful word. I never had to wake up and worry that a man would sexually assault me, or cat call me and make me feel uncomfortable. I realized that even the smallest of actions could be greatly hurtful to someone. That even a joke could offend or hurt someone. “Lighten up it’s just a joke,” my friends would say, but I wouldn’t and eventually I lost some friends, or some were very guarded around me. The funny thing is, is that I was usually very polite when I confronted someone, by letting them know I was offended, and would try to have a productive conversation. But many of the times I just wanted to scream “FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, WHY DON’T YOU GET IT, IT IS NOT FUCKING FUNNY!!!” But I never did. Perhaps it’s better I didn’t because many times I was able to have constructive discussions, but sometimes not and the subject was quickly changed.

I don’t find it funny because it is not only hurtful language perpetuating stereotypes, but it continues to oppress those who are the target of it, and many who are not the target of it, come to believe these stereotypes as truth, when in fact, it’s all bullshit. While working on my MA in Ethnic Studies, all this became more clear. I learned the ways in which people have been oppressed and exploited by the government, by corporations, by neoliberalism. I know what some of you may be thinking, “oh, well Ethnic Studies is the far left and is bias.” BULLSHIT, and FUCK OFF if you believe that. Ethnic Studies provides history from the people who got the most harmed throughout time. It is the stories of those who were on the receiving end of the violence that has made our country what it is today. The millions who have died, building the infrastructure of this nation, the millions killed for land that was theirs, etc. I also learned to question and critically think, in ways that can see the connections from the war in Iraq, to the corporations, to the homeless on the street, to those truly fighting for freedom across the globe.

It’s funny, kind of, I started writing tonight because I was very depressed, and pissed, and felt absolutely hopeless. I was in a very dark place. At times I feel very much alone, especially since I am 3,000 miles away from my close friends and family. I sometimes wonder what the point of life is, when I don’t have those around me who help me to see the beautiful things in life, which lies in those connections. I get sad and angry, especially with what is going on here in America. When I read the things that people from the right say, I don’t understand how they cannot have compassion for people. Or how they cannot understand the plight of some of these people. Or why they won’t listen. I don’t understand why they cannot open their ears, minds, and hearts. I don’t understand why they have so much hate in their hearts. I think the biggest reason I get angry is because I know that change is possible, I am living proof of it.

I get so angry sometimes, that people will not listen, and this feeds my depression. I know I have to be strong, and keep fighting, and yelling so that people hear me, and perhaps I can change their minds, or make them understand differently. I am trying, very hard to do this as peacefully as possible, but when your dealing with a system that only knows violence, and dealing with people who only know how to perpetuate hate, and people who love money more then their fellow humans, it's hard. I am constantly in flux, trying to decide whether to stay the course or to go out shooting, because I feel more and more helpless and desperate everyday. I am in more pain and torment the older I get, longing for change, and dreaming of real hope, but as the world becomes more bleak, I am finding less and less to live for. But I will to continue to fight, for my friends, for my family, for those who are still being kicked while their down, for the poor, the hungry, children, women, men, people of all colors and different beliefs. I will fight for them, because we all deserve a chance, to live, to love, to be happy. 

I could really go on and on, and I would love to try and further help you understand where I'm coming from if you want to know. Just let me know. For now, I'm going to bed, much later than anticipated. I will try to be better about blogging... Much peace, love, and happiness to you all! And if you made it all the way through this post... Thank You for listening/reading!

Don't mind me...

OK... so this is not a political blog as usual, I just needed to use my blog page to upload a photo online so that I can use it as my mascot for my ESPN fantasy team... My team name is the Waikiki Ramies, which this picture epitomizes... haha

Crooked Lines

The birds chirping, the sky getting lighter. This has become my regular routine. I feel like I've become a vampire, hiding in the dark, hiding from the light. But instead of blood, I crave whiskey. It's like an eraser, but no matter how hard I press, the lines are still there, like scars that will always be there. Scars of war, scars of love. Their all deep and their all apart of us. We should learn from them and not try to erase them, but still we do. We try to hide from the pain like the light. We keep trying to cover it all up, with new pleasures, all to bury the past, cover the scars. But it all lies under the surface. Until strength can be found to address the pain, address the scars, no true happiness can be found. I can only hope that someday I can put down the eraser and learn to address the crooked lines and realize that the beauty of art isn't as much in the eye of the beholder as much as it is in the understanding of the process to which it took to make the lines itself...

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The Death of Osama Bin Laden

When I first heard of the death of Osama Bin Laden I was shocked, but as I continued to watch the news coverage an uneasy feeling crept through me. I was relieved that the person who perpetuated one of the most horrific acts in contemporary history was no longer with us, however I was saddened to see people so elated by the death of this man. He caused a lot of harm, to a lot of people, yet many of the people singing and dancing in the streets were never actually directly affected by this man. Many of them did not know anyone who died on 9/11, nor served in the military and was sent to war because of him, nor had they lost someone in war because of him. One person interviewed was happy because he thought he would no longer have to remove his shoes at airport security. Many of the people on the streets looked young, which led me to conclude that many of them barely remember life without Osama. The fact is, this should not be a joyous occasion; it should be a time of remembrance for those who were lost on that sad day and in the wars that followed.

Upon further reflection, I had to wonder, what role does race play in this celebration. A vast majority of the people seen on the streets chanting “U.S.A. U.S.A.” was white. Why is this? After many discussions and much thought, I feel it comes down to the fact that it has been a long time since white America has gotten its ass kicked by a person of color, and on 9/11, that happened. This is very similar to the backlash we have seen by the white supremacy movement since the election of Barack Obama, but on a lot larger scale. If you do not think this is true, then why was there no dancing and singing when Timothy McVeigh was captured and/or executed. He was a terrorist, who did an almost identical act. Why was there no jubilation when Ted Kaczynski, who was elusive for nearly 20 years, he too was a terrorist… The fact is they were both white domestic terrorists, but when someone says the word terrorist, the first image that pops into someone’s head is that of an Arab person.

Another sad part is the way in which the media has framed the story. It is incomplete, and has many holes. First, the fact that it has been framed as a Republican and/or Democratic victory makes me sick. Pundits on the left declaring this as a big win for Obama, or from the right saying this is due to Bush, is absolutely moronic, and I think they should all just shut the hell up cause they just sound like a bunch of dumb assholes… Secondly, usually when someone dies, their whole life is chronicled, however with Bin Laden, it seems to begin with 9/11 and end with his recent death. The media rarely brings up the fact that he was trained and armed by the United States when he was a part of the Mujahideen fighting the Russians occupation of Afghanistan. Furthermore, no one mentions his strategy, which was meant to draw the United States into a war of attrition in order to sink the US economically; with that in mind, he is still winning. We still have many troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, and may soon have troops in Libya. Which makes one wonder, was Cheney a greedy shortsighted oil monger or an Al-Qaeda operative (Sorry, bad joke).

Seriously though, many of my brothers and sisters in arms have now died and are still in harms way because of the events on 9/11. We perpetuated an unjust war in Iraq, which had nothing to do with this man, however because the white house at the time already had its sights set on Iraq, 9/11 gave them a justification to invade because they knew they would have public support. This support was founded on a fear of Arabs and Muslims. 9/11 created a boogey man that looked like anyone in a turban or anybody who prays to Mecca. This never happened after the Oklahoma City Bombing, a war was not declared on crazy rednecks that are in the KKK or some back woods militia. This again makes me question the racial element of it all.

Another important point is this idea of justice. Many are claiming, “Justice was served.” But was it? I have no qualms about the Seals shooting Bin Laden if they were returning fire. However, unless the video of what happened is released we will never know. I only say this because there have been many conflicting reports as to what actually happened within that compound. Some say he had a gun, some say he didn’t, some say they had already captured him, etc. If they did have him, and executed him, where is the justice? We didn’t hunt down and execute the Nazi’s who committed mass genocide, we captured them and put them on trial. That is what a democratic society is supposed to be founded upon. Not assassinations, not execution without trial… That is not justice.

Lastly, the cheering of violence leads me to believe that there is something wrong with our culture. It can be seen in almost every aspect of our lives now and days, from sports like “Ultimate Fighting,” to movies, and video games. We have become a war culture, which is desensitized to death and destruction, and furthermore, we glamorize and celebrate it. If you are not disturbed by this fact, there may be something wrong with you. Think about this, what if I walked up to your grandmother, and kicked the living shit out of her, all the while people are behind me cheering and rooting me on. Seems extreme, but think about the game “Grand Theft Auto,” oh yeah, forgot about that… What I’m getting at, is that by cheering for Osama’s death we all lose; first, we lose because we have lost a bit of our humanity, and have inched closer to his level; second, we lose because we have lost sight of what is good, important, and what should be celebrated: life, love, peace, happiness, etc. Until we start shifting away from this culture of violence there will be no peace; life will continue to become less valued, and; love and happiness will become harder to find.

The Ivory Tower

As I complete my Master's and prepare for my PhD, I have come to recognize many of the inherent flaws within American academia. First and foremost would be the shift from a communal model to a business model for the governing of schools. Many of the schools across the nation began as land grant institutions aimed at the creation of upward mobility for the people. Higher education however has transformed into a business opportunity, not aimed at creating upward mobility, but rather aimed at accumulating as much monetary gain from the people as possible.

College's and University's are no longer interested in educating it's students, they are now more worried about enrollment numbers and tuition rates. This creates a devaluation of a degree. Administrator's, who are making six figure salaries, would allow a student to get a bachelor's without any real academic rigor, rather than flunking a student out of school. With the exception of a very few professors I had throughout my time in undergrad, I coasted through with everyone else. Many of the student's were babied and coddled, by professor's, never really challenging students to do their best.

However, while I worked hard to achieve what I did, there were a number of students who got through without opening a text book, living from bong hit to bong hit, and partied like there was no tomorrow. Granted, they did not go on to grad school, nor had the GPA I had, but they still received the same degree as myself. Many will go into the work force drastically unprepared to apply what they learned. While I know many will go into completely different fields then their degree, the primary purpose of college has become to learn how to learn. This seems almost backwards, and almost seems as if going to college is just a waste of time and money. Shouldn't we be "learning how to learn" in K-12? Instead K-12 is teaching kids how to take tests, as standardized tests have become the benchmark of learning, which is ridiculous.

But as usual, I digress... The shift to a business model of education, where all the institution cares about is income, does a number of things. First, it makes education less accessible for those without money. If tuition keeps rising, smaller amounts of people will be able to afford to attend college, thus maintaining the current white hegemonic masculinity which guides our nation. Second, it puts more pressure on faculty to create streams of income for the college/university thus distracting them from what should be their primary goal, which is the education of the students. Therefore, teachers lose the ability and/or capacity to teach. Third, it creates a biased system in which knowledge is auctioned off to the highest bidder. For example, private interests and corporations funding the focused research of whatever they wish. If they don't see the results, then they can pay enough to manufacture them, thus making academia irrelevant. This third point is also seen through the funding of higher education by the military industrial complex, which in turn perpetuates violence for its own control and financial gains.

While I am choosing to enter academia as a profession, I hope that someday this corporate model of education will cease to exist. If we can get back to the basics of teaching, which allows for academic freedom perhaps we can actually make the world a better place. Not to say that academics are not trying to do so already, but this would make it much easier, as the ideas that academics profess could actually become infectious, and practice could be transformed into reality, because students would be actually learning rather than skimming by to get a piece of paper.

Republican/Tea Party... One in the same... Harbingers of Death

OK, so the title is pretty drastic, but all in all this is how I feel... I'm actually writing my thesis on the Tea Party and I am coming to realize that there is no real difference between the Tea Party and Republicans. In fact, the Tea Party is just an extension of the old school Republicans from the Nixon to Reagan era's. If you look at the Southern Strategy which was introduced by Barry Goldwater in the 60's, we see the same economic argument, we see the "states' rights" argument (which has a historical racist overtone), we see the individualism argument. Nothing has changed, it's all the same. Not every single member of these groups is bad, however, they are following a doctrine and listening to demagogues which are dangerous.

So why are the Republicans and the Tea Party the harbingers of death? Well lets run down all the points... First and foremost let's look at the attack on the economy. Progressives (I will not say democrat's because they are in the pockets of corporations as much as the Republicans), wish for a system that takes care of ALL people, not a totalitarian system, a system which provides healthcare, decent pay, equity no matter race, class, gender, sexual orientation, etc... Republican's and Tea Party members want to help themselves and the richest few (who are primarily white strait males). Hence the massive tax cuts and the attack on unions. Tax cuts for the richest people, in hopes that there will be a trickle down effect (which has been proven not to work). Why is wanting the government, the people whom WE THE PEOPLE elect and can vote out of office if their not doing there job, why is wanting them to run basic services which are needed for life so bad? Instead, Republican's/Tea Party want people who are out for their own profit and can give a shit less about those whom they serve as long as they get paid, to run these programs...

Second point, war. The right have no problem with Iraq, Afghanistan, etc... They have no problem supporting brutal dictators in order to control a region instead of allowing democracy to flourish. They promote a fear of Muslim's, communists, socialists. Same ol' story. They covet war, and continue to send the countries poorest and most disadvantaged to die. Not to die for their country, which is what they tell them, but to die for corporations, big business, so those few rich white men can maintain their hegemony.

Third point, the environment. Every single political party in the world, besides the Repubs/Tea Party, believe that global warming is a man made problem that we will have to face and is drastically effecting the planet. Repubs/Tea Party folk deny it to no end. They want no environmental regulations on business, once again for profits. Living in Colorado, I am witnessing global warming first hand, every winter has been getting warmer and warmer, the slopes have less and less snow each year, pine beetles are able to eat up more and more trees each year because the mountains are not getting enough long deep freezes. Wake up, the environment is in peril.

Final point for today, culture. As previously mentioned, Repubs/Tea Party have been attacking anyone they see as the "other." There is an attack on women and rights over their own body, their is an attack on programs which help single mothers pay for the expenses of having children. There is an attack on the LGBTQ community, "they are destroying the sanctity married,""it's a choice,""they are unmoral," I say... Bullshit... Everyone deserves the right to marry who ever they choose. My whole life I have known many people in the LGBTQ community who have helped raise me, and look at me know. I've honorably served my country, I've gotten my BA, will soon be getting my MA, and will also be pursuing my PhD soon. I'm strait, so they didn't "turn me into one of them." I wouldn't be who I am today without the lessons I've learned from very close and important mentors who identify as LGBTQ... Those who are against LGBTQ rights are hypocrites. On another note, as previously mentioned, the attack on Muslim's is ridiculous as well, you realize you pray to the same god right? Jesus is one of the most quoted prophets in the Quran. Muhammad and Jesus believed in the same things and promoted the same message, peace & love. I'm agnostic, but I am well versed in religion, stop all the BS!

SO this has been a long rant, and may be scattered at times. But it is partially in response to what is happening in Wisconsin, but also in response to all the BS that has been building up over the past few years. The Tea Party and the Republicans are pushing a dangerous agenda. As billionaire Warren Buffet said, "There's class warfare, all right, but it's my class, the rich class, that's making war, and we're winning, and we shouldn't be." There is class warfare ensuing right now, and it intersects with race, class, gender, and sexual-orientation, the people leading the charge in oppressing the people, that's right, the harbingers of death!